The Ghost of Veganism

by ecoethicalvegan

Once upon a time there was a vegan, his name was Veganam (reverse the last 3 letters) his girlfriends name was Vegana. They were both devout veganists and practised their rituals daily, a typical day went something like this.

Image via Wikipedia

Veganam woke up and after brushing his teeth with propolis free toothpaste he’d pop the button on his percolator to brew their morning freetrade coffee and chucked in a couple of slices of L-cysteine free bagels into the toaster, he mumbles to himself ‘phew got through the first 5 minutes without any slipups!…Vegana is towing the line too! she runs her shower, steps in & says, awesome my water treatment plant doesn’t filter our water with bone char! woohoo! I’m so glad we bought our house in this municipality, I wouldn’t want to be awash in cow torture!

As Veganam & Vegana step into their leatherfree, hybrid, no animal print (you never know who may think it’s real) 450 mile per pint, subs as an oven (cooks scrambled Tofu while driving, with a side of notdogs) (VUV) vegan utility vehicle they discuss the evenings getogether for dinner with their omni friends ( yes vegans are allowed to socialise with the unclean)

What should we bring says Vegana, Veganam responds with, well you know we could bring some vegan treats like tofubrownies or tofuicecream or tofutoffees or tofutticutties or tofutofu or tofunko or tofooey or tofullovit or tofufuto or tofusofu or tofuyoutu or tofumeto or tofuthemto or tofunofu or tofuyuckto, yay says Vegana, we are so neato 🙂

As the months go by Vegana & Veganam stick to their lifestyle religiously reading, emailing, checking that they have eliminated all forms of animal cruelty from their lives. However, they finally had to move from their charming little cottage because they discovered their oil fired furnace wasn’t vegan on account of it being a fossil fuel so they moved into a rescue cow dung burning

Image via Wikipedia

teepee, sold their VUV, (some parts were made from rubber a derivative of oil) They had to stop eating soy because some companies displace animals indigenous to the Brazilion rainforest, they also switched to eating only fallen fruit because they didn’t want to eat anything pollinated by farmed bees.

By this time Veganam & Vegana slowly but surely became thinner and thinner (heck if all you lived off was fallen fruit and even then you had to wait until the bugs were done with it, wouldn’t you be thin too!)
finally both the Vs got so thin they disappeared into thin air and became ghosts!!!seriously, this is a true story!

Image by anvancy via Flickr

The moral of the story is that there is no such thing as a ‘perfect vegan’ All vegans will fall short of that unattainable nirvanic state of veganism which they continue to aspire to until veganism is no more.

So the moral of the moral is, veganism, if it wants to survive in any form at all, and wants to continue to be a voice for sentient nonhuman animals in this millenia has to adapt to the 21st century by expanding it’s definition of cruelty free consumerism to include animal based products that are procured ethically and with respect to nonhumans.

It can be done, let’s have a dialogue about it, let’s try to make a positive impact on our world.